To the momma who has the flu. Or a cold. Or is pregnant (and baby-sick). Tis the season right? (For sickness, not pregnancy...)
So, you've been on the couch or in bed for days, weeks, months, maybe longer if you're suffering from a chronic illness. You're thankful for Netflix, tissues, cough drops (unless you're preggers), ginger ale...
And you feel guilty. Oh, that's just me? I'm the only mom who's daily routine the past few months has looked like episodes of Winnie the Pooh, Madagascar, Madagascar again (by popular demand), and Sesame Street for her toddler? I move from my bed, to the couch, and then back to my bed during nap time, and then back to the couch for the rest of the day (followed by multiple trips to the bathroom and the inability to keep food in). Because I'm 17 weeks pregnant and have been quite sick with this one.
For awhile there, I felt like a total failure. I didn't realize how much of my worth I had previously wrapped up in my ability to accomplish anything and maintain a level of routine. My toddler has been amazing, and she's not exactly complaining about the amount of tv she's been watching. But isn't the TV supposed to be evil and my success as a parent equated with how often I take my child outside to play?? (she says with sarcasm) Well, I physically can't take my child outside to play right now. Also, it's Canada, and it's winter, and it's terribly cold. Even if I were perfectly well, I wouldn't jump at the idea.
So, movies it is. And the dishes pile up, the laundry piles up, my Christmas tree is still up, we run out of groceries, and all of the things that I previously used to measure whether or not it had been a good day are gone. And I felt worthless. Because just being hasn't been enough. And, if I'm honest, it's never been enough. To just... be. I'm growing a human. That's a big deal. But, for a few months there, it wasn't enough. My house needs to be clean! My child needs to be doing special and organized activities! My family needs nicer meals! Those things are great, but the truth is, what I do or do not accomplish has nothing to do with my worth.
I am made worthy because of Jesus, not because of my clean house. He knew I'd be sick. He knew I'd have a precious little person to care for while I was sick. He knew it would be a challenge. He knew I'd get to the end of myself and then tell you all about it. He knew I'd be afraid that I was failing at everything He's given me to do. And He knew I'd need to be reminded that He adores me regardless of how I feel.
So, momma. Have you been feeling that way too? A bit like you're failing because during this season of life -whether it's lasting months, weeks, or days- you can't physically accomplish what you used to? Why don't we make a pact? During this season, let's give ourselves a little grace. Let's set realistic expectations of our days. Let's not tie our worth to anything that's not Jesus.